if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
