just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
