grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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