I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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