i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
