How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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