Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
