You really coming over, don't trick.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
