I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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