you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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