I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
