is your mom at the bar?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
