I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
