I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
