dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
