happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
