he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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