If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
