i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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