hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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