if you like me you must not know who I am
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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