the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
