4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize