Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
