So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
