If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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