So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
