my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
