It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
