On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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