There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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