I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
