Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
