I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The best revenge is premature balding
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
