Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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