We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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