I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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