girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
