Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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