adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
