physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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