real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
