I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
