lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
