Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
