you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
