I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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