Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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