Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
