Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Me too!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
