i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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