But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
