it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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