I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
