When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
