but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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