tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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