I CAN MOONWALK!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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