I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
