And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
