thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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