There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
