hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
