dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
