I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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