i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
