Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
