So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
