Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
