I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
