thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
