so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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