Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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