you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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