dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
