Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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