It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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