Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
