..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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