remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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