fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i drank out of a bidet.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
