I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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