The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want her autograph on my taint
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
